Previous 50

Sep. 7th, 2007

the 11th hour.

i haven't seen anton in a year to the day. instead of journeying to berbati's pan where i am inevitably on the guestlist, i'm going to olympia. i figure i won't return until musicfest is over. no bjm, no odditorium, no matt & kate hollywood nonsense. pull the plug on her, she's through.

Sep. 1st, 2007

fall is in the air.

dw & i went out with caroline & her husband last night to hobos.
good conversation, but i was tired.
tonight is my first lovelab connection at beula. jesus.
i miss mr. big again.
fall fall fall fall into the jonestown next week.

Aug. 13th, 2007

8 hours till departure.

heading back east always begins with its complications. getting there is one thing, but the loss of 3 hours is a plain i can't bear. all in all, i'm looking forward to getting out of the portland bubble.

4 cities in 10 days. funny how i'm not really looking forward to being in new york, more so getting back to columbus to be with people in places that i miss all too much. why is it that things look better in retrospect? perhaps when we rise above, we aren't so afraid of showing our faces in dammed places.

as for my hometown, ah, my hometown; i know that it hasn't changed. just months ago i was sitting at QS&L, drinking with brendan at cedars, and crying for the elusive nature that nothing, in fact, could ever change.

until tomorrow, when i have my university interviews & hope to impress them with my portfolio, i will be of NE alberta street. <3 binks.

Aug. 9th, 2007

a few pills too shy...

after the breakdown, i thought too much about my past.
it kept me awake. all night i listened to the albums of my youth while i cried about the loss of something bigger. the bends.

i will never see another film with parker posey for as long as i live.
i thought i was going to make it to seattle today, to mecca, to a grilled cheese. instead, i cried and slept.
now i can't do such things.

Aug. 7th, 2007

shaking the morning.

i attempted to wake up before it was too late to reach anyone on the east coast.
luckily, i made all my phone calls.

now with failure's "fantastic planet" with thoughts of johnny marr moving to portland,
and jeremy circa 2002. it's the weather. it could rain at any minute.

there's nothing left to say, just embrace the feeling.

Aug. 5th, 2007

some people count, some people don't.

i posted a bulletin on myspace to let my east coast friends, most of whom i've known my
whole life, know which days i'll be in which towns. (ehem) for as miserable as columbus was, my
acquaintances from my in-and-out guest appearances at bars give so much more of a damn than the
people i grew up with.
Tags: ,

Aug. 4th, 2007

these little town blues.

after spending yet another day on trendy 3rd vintage shopping, eating japanese, and taking in the new buscemi film at the rickety cinema 21, i made round abouts to tony's tavern where i shared a pitcher with the 50-somethings of northwest portland. just another day, with no great resolution aside from the fact that i am happy to be here.

at tony's the ladies danced around to frank sinatra, and i thought how i will be on a plane to new york a week from tuesday. i never thought of such, but it will be nice to step out of the portland bubble for awhile. take in some non-tree-hugging culture, and delve into a world of true capitalism. don't get me wrong, i love portland, but it seems slow to me--lumpy, like everyone moves much to slow to get anything accomplished. give me life, controversy, excitement--a place where there's competition again, hatred, GOOD italian food! god knows how i miss the bitter and hate-filled east coast...

but just for awhile.

Aug. 2nd, 2007

sex, scandals, & pete doherty.

call me obsessive, but i'm recently i've become fascinated with the daily blog about brit brats pete doherty & kate moss. since the loss of my interesting life & coming around to getting old, i've become a kp nuts tabloid whore. in latest news, "pete doherty wants kate moss back, but is engaged to a french woman" & "kate moss leeks home sex tape."
Tags:

why you broke away from the polyphonic spree.

after hours of milling around kennedy school, alberta, and concordia, dw & i ended up at the doug fir. we made it for the last song of the show, so we didn't have to pay a cover--i don't remember her name, but the singer/songwriter was a girl from the polyphonic spree. i still don't know how all that band's members get paid. i think they thank zach braff for that one.


on another note, i've been thinking about the clod in the wonder bathroom. no surprise that i'm still a little hurt by such things. the "unlovable"...


for once in my life i would like to meet a nice aquarius.

Aug. 1st, 2007

writing conundrum.

i am 56 single-spaced pages into my thesis, most of which i wrote at the beginning of the summer. because it's a memoir, i'm now going through a creative drought when it comes to short fiction. the good stuff. the stuff i really need for my portfolio.

guess i've been spending too much time at holmans on 28th.

i blame it on my lack of inspiration and the fact that without fail, every morning since i've been sleeping in, tobin has been waking me up at exactly 1:02pm.


"i would never want to belong to a club that would have someone like me as a member." -groucho marx
Tags:

Jul. 31st, 2007

(no subject)

You Belong in New York City

You're the energetic, ambitious type.
And only NYC is fast enough for you.
Maybe you'll set yourself up with a killer career
Or simply take in all the city has to offer.

for those who hurt in the mourning.

i made a compilation for the wee small hours of the morning.
for those who wake in early light of day, so early it could be mistaken for night.
for those who feel they need the comfort of coffee to warm them.
for those who are feel too lonely when they wake up alone.
for those days where the morning seems to last forever.
i made this for you. you know who you are.
i will send it to you if you give me an address...

Jul. 30th, 2007

maybe the sun will shine today.

another day filled inside the oregon sun, and i realize that again i am alone. it's a wilco day. in the warmth of a familiar pain i reside in my empty apartment waiting for my next life to resurrect me from something so deep, sifting into the monotonous hours of passing years. not that all of this hasn't been a virtue, but still i want something real. someone to love. something i can hold on to that's more than what i know now.

Jul. 29th, 2007

either way. wilco.

Maybe the sun will shine today
The clouds will blow away
Maybe I won't feel so afraid
I will try to understand
Either way

Maybe you still love me
Maybe you don't
Either you will or you won't
Maybe you just need some time alone
I will try to understand
Everything has its plan
Either way
I am gonna stay
Right for you

Maybe the sun will shine today
The clouds will roll away
Maybe I won't be so afraid
I will understand everything has its plan
Either way
Tags:

things i'll never except.

1. divorcees who start new families.
2. it's no longer 1997-2003.
3. daniel johns is in fact an asshole.
4. kurt cobain would've been 40 this year.
5. seattle is ashamed of it's grunge heritage.
6. i am old enough to get married and have a family.
7. the revolving door theory is true.
8. washington dc is not in washington state.
9. i date unavailable men because i have a fear of commitment.
10. nyabinghi is closed.
11. there's a difference between authentic japanese and american japanese food.
12. the digital world.
Tags:

Jul. 28th, 2007

the wonder bathroom vs. the odditorium

tonight is the practice show for the dandy warhols kickoff for
their 2nd tour with the rolling stones.
i was going to attend the show, however because of my latest affliction
with one, john claude esh, i won't get into the wonder ballroom.
DW & i just decided to skip the show & go to the afterparty.

Jul. 27th, 2007

new york, new york... you're killing me.

i never thought it would be so difficult to find a hotel on the upper west side of new york.

columbia university set up an interview with me on august 14th @ 11:30am,
just a few hours shy of 6:45am when i arrive to philly from portland on a red eye.

this means i'll have to take the train, which will take about 2 hours, then
i will have to tote my luggage around back down to greenwich village to my interview @ the new school.

and i have no clue how to get around new york. no clue.
god, send me an angel, please!
Tags:

Jul. 17th, 2007

(no subject)

harmony korine is married.
Tags:

Jul. 4th, 2007

(no subject)

Silverchair @ The Aladdin Theatre, Portland, USA
SOLD OUT!!!

tickets available on ticketmaster $60 a piece.

I GOT MINE, BITCHES!

Jul. 3rd, 2007

waiting for pants.

i am up at 3:30am to bid on a pair of ksubi jeans from the au ebay site.
what am i doing?
since i perged my records, uneeded instruments, & bright forever 21 pieces.
i've been binge shopping on designer clothing, reading harper's, & blogging about fashion.
my latest purchase-- an american apparel v-neck gray tee mens xs & brown minnetonka boots.
i have a consultation at nordstrom this week for the ella moss fall collection...
what have i become?

tomorrow i'm going to head over to 'trendy 3rd' to explore american apparel for purple skinny jeans.
woo.

but lately life has been good.
summer school isn't so bad & if i spend too much i plan to make it back with my job
at the writing center next fall.
i'm also very focused on grad school-- i can't wait to visit new york in august.

for my MFA i've finally chosen my candidtes:
columbia
the new school
sarah lawrence
birkbeck, university of london
royal holloway, university of london
university of iowa

and my fall-backs:
wilkes-barre
brooklyn community college, city university of new york


tomorrow i shop, drink expensive coffee with monica lewinski, & feel semi-important.


ps. remember when i sold my ps2 for a pair of gap capris?

Jun. 30th, 2007

dune and gone.

the venue was a crackerbox, lacking in beans & bad haircuts--exactly what i was looking for!
i have found an offical new hangout that's in my 'hood, that's not 28th.

LATEST OBSESSION: sunglasses

Jun. 29th, 2007

the dunes.

i've decided to take my new minnetonka boots out on the town tonight---
to somewhere new! there's a bunch of krs bands playing at this dots-esque
venue over on ne mlk tonight for 5 bucks. do i smell a new hangout perhaps?
i need a new hangout-- portland is getting so passe.

ps. i might just skip new york & move to glasgow.

Jun. 28th, 2007

absenteeism & the DW, PT I.

it's been a long 2 weeks. the first half was spent under emotional distress
over finances, post a holiday in eugene with azad that ended up being a ploy
for sexual relations... therefore i took last thursday out the hawthorne district
to feel like a b-list celebrity-- shopping, dining at cha cha cha and pix patisserie,
then retired to the bagdad for some freshly brewed ruby in the late afteroon.
a good day.
then i got sick.
i missed a week of school and sense of smell in both sides of my nostrils.
but i'm better, drinking a homemade maple latte (nonfat).
later i will meet DW, whom i have been working extensively on art & writing with
and we will make our way to alberta (providing it doesn't rain) for last thursday.

latest obsession: pete doherty
latest fashion: minnetonka moccasin boots, swing jackets, & daisy dukes.

Jun. 9th, 2007

ch-ch-ch-changes.

where i am is so different from where i used to be.

Jun. 6th, 2007

I owe it to my 14-year-old self...

Silverchair has announced their first full North American tour since 1999. The dates will be in support of the band’s new album Young Modern which will street on July 24 in the US and Canada on Eleven: a music company through Warner Music Group’s Independent Label Group.

Since exploding to prominence in the mid-90’s Silverchair has morphed into a much more melodic and idiosyncratic band than they were as teenagers. They are currently riding the crest of a wave in Australia with Young Modern becoming the fastest selling and most critically acclaimed album of their career to date. It was certified double platinum in their homeland after just one month.

Dates for the North American leg of the Young Modern world tour will be as follows

Thursday, 19th July - Portland, OR - Aladdin Theatre Tickets on sale June 8th!!!
I'm sooooo there.

(no subject)

maybe i've lost it, but i think that janet jackson's "rythm nation"
is the best song ever written.

Jun. 5th, 2007

(no subject)

i wish guys weren't so compelled to make mix cds
with hidden messages.

hitting it big?

if there's one interesting thing about the whole band thing
it's 'the forum women'.
the forum women are few followers of bands who travel city to city
because their husbands have money.
at every show they have their picture taken with the band, too,
then they post it on the internet for everyone to see.

and there's a whole commune of these women!

i just think it's insane...

Jun. 4th, 2007

no shi-sha lounge with peter this year.

alan,

if you are at the newport tonight make sure to tell peter that i wish i was there.

thanks,
melissa

May. 17th, 2007

peter hayes 0 days & never again.

"i'm no good for you."
-peter hayes

May. 1st, 2007

my life right now.

conducer.

i finished my essays, but they didn't quite make 6 full pages.
so after the class period i have 1 final to go.

9 days till peter hayes.

Apr. 28th, 2007

(no subject)

it's official. i hate you.

Apr. 26th, 2007

1:43.

i'm LOSING MY MIND!
i just can't care about school anymore...
tell me, is it wrong to damn a pastor who gives you too much work?
this is my last day of classes.
i still have to write out 3 essay questions,
2 pages EACH, SINGLE SPACED!
someone just kill me...

baby 81.

i've stopped eating.
smoking too many cigarettes.
can't do my homework.
drinking grande lattes.
drinking alcohol.
very tired.
nothing but baby 81.

Apr. 25th, 2007

(no subject)

i'm trying so hard to stop myself from ripping my hair out.

Apr. 24th, 2007

growth.

the other day i realized that i really don't know you anymore.
i mean, how can you love a stranger? it doesn't make any sense...

Apr. 23rd, 2007

1999 resurrected.

last night i finally saw placebo.
in 1999 i chose not to see them at the grog shop
because they played 2 days before silverchair
on their neon ballroom tour...
the show was good, but everything was pretty much from meds.

the songs i recognized from the set list:

infra red
meds
because i want you
sleeping with ghosts
every me, every you
without you i'm nothing
special needs


..the rest of the songs, aside from one kate bush cover,
was all from the new album.
brian was pretty as usual... but they played NOTHING from the s/t album :(
i hoped for a little 'nancy boy' maybe 'teenage angst,'
but instead i got the upheval of the new album.

brian's gear:

95 fender jagstang
97 gibson sg
washburn 99 deluxe electric acoustic
fender twin
marshall half-stack
boss ds-2/ds-3
boss phaser
the grunge pedal
...a few other pedals i didn't recognize.
he had a motherboard & 3 guitar techs.

17 DAYS TILL PETER HAYES!

Apr. 21st, 2007

smoking gun.

there is this guy who works at beuhlaland who looks like chris conrnell.
and he's such an asshole.
tell, me how does one get a job in the food-service industry if you hate people...
actually, i think he's the meanest guy in portland.
maybe he just hates me for some reason.
i don't know why, i tip him.
if he's holding a grudge against me because of that one time i didn't tip
it was be because he walked away while i was trying to find my wallet.
it's not like it's ever busy here during the day.
sorry dude, didn't mean to take up you're slow shift by asking for a cup of coffee...
coffee that tastes like ass!
i would drink but it's too early.
yesterday i started around this time, but then i couldn't go out.
drunk to sober to drunk again sounds good, but it's not.

i'm just frustrated today.
i woke up in a funk and sick because i ate a whole pint of egg-drop soup.
and i'm back on the regular regimen of cigarettes, caffine, and alcohol...
i don't know if it's school or portland or the suffocation of john & joel.
even venturing off to the wishkah didn't help...
and i'm hating pastor brandt right now b/c of all the essays i have left to write.
i just handed in 30 pages to him... isn't that enough?!
and i'm stressed about money. stupid summer semester.

well, at least i'm pissed about something real.

Apr. 20th, 2007

from the muddy banks.

two days ago, while i remained in agony & stress of finals
john & i took an excursion to seaside so i could finally see the pacific.
being so close to astoria, we decied to go to the goonies house.
then crossing the grand bridge, we found ourselves on the coast
of washington--- where on a whim, we decided to head to aberdeen
to see kurt cobain's hometown.
at 7pm we arrived and went under the wishkah river bridge,
right next to the house he grew up in.
it felt eerie, like i was treading on his territory.
from there, we sat at denny's, took up a hotel room &
then headed out to the bars. at the first place, we played pool
& shared a pitcher of coors lite. they thought our ID's were fake.
then we traveled across the street where a bunch of
samoans were drinking, i met a logger who had lost hope.
so i bought him a greygoose vodka cranberry &
i preached to him about how nothing was impossible.
i drank a lot, hung out with the aberdeenians, & talked.
the next morning, intending on making it back for my 12:30 class,
we skipped off to olympia instead, where we later went on to seattle
for tea at the crocodile cafe.
we listened to grunge music the whole way.

Apr. 13th, 2007

me: of the post-grunge era.

27 days til peter hayes! jesus, i love this countdown...

the burden of theology has finally been lifted!
for the past three weeks i've been working on a 25 page
term paper on the scripture matthew 15:21-28
as well as a 15 page paper on the theological articles
of salvation and redemption in the lion, the witch, & the wardrobe.
all for the same teacher...

now all i have left is a 10 page paper
on the cultural analysis & impact of grunge music in the northwest
and a 5 page non-fiction piece on my seeds of addiction.

i just keep telling myself...
papers, final, & then rock...
i'll be drinking like CCAD students on a thursday night!

...and then it's off to summer school.
then new york. fall s. las vegas. spring s. graduation.

Apr. 11th, 2007

(no subject)

i'm bored with portland.
i'm ready for new york.

Apr. 9th, 2007

rainy day. another hangover.

maybe i shouldn't have given up on thermals so soon...

i just got an A- on a paper i wrote that really sucked.
i mean, i even wrote 'sex in the city' as opposed to 'sex and the city'.
my teacher is such a sweetheart, but grades a little too easy.
i knew it sucked when i wrote it, it was the apathy and knowing i had way too many papers to complete at the same time didn't make it any easier.

this is the period in the school year where i become quite reckless
with my writing. i can't write anymore. i can't even think straight.
i have a 1/2 of each paper finished for my religion course, which
i will most likey pass by the skin of my teeth,
a 10 page for my history class on grunge music & the media,
and because my non-fiction teacher decided to change the final
i have to write yet another 5 page story...
provided she doesn't change my poetry final as well, that is done.

the religion papers are due on thursday and friday of this week.
meh.
i just want to get this over with. i hate this part of school.

Apr. 5th, 2007

beautiful day. beautiful hangover.

portland is just gorgeous this time of year.
it's 67 & sunny, all the flowers have bloomed,
the grass is a delightful deep green-- it's an utter utopia.

last night john, joel, & i drank at the apartment & spoke of easter burgers
while listening to mickey avalon.

my sister is flying in from florida in 2 weeks
and then brendan will be in on may 4th.
i'm really looking forward to seeing them.
& 35 days till peter hayes!!!

now if i could just get rid of this hangover...

Apr. 4th, 2007

the dentist.

should i really pay 1,300 to have my tooth filled?
hasn't oregon raped me of enough money?

Mar. 28th, 2007

(no subject)

why is white trash always loud?

Mar. 23rd, 2007

in dreams.

there are very few times when dreaming is fun.
this morning i woke with a smile on face because
in my dream i was with peter.
we were in the basement talking...

THE COUNTDOWN

Mar. 21st, 2007

eventhough we aren't connected...

i just found out that my ex boyfriend from high school & 1st true love,
tony burt, has ms... what the doctor was afraid i had 2 weeks ago.

meds. crap. preview.

my head is bleeding from my presentation on the simpsons.
it went well, i think.
all dr. horten said was, "very well done."
is that an "a"?
i need to get a's in all my classes to balance out the c i'm getting in new testament.
i have that class in 8 minutes. i hate that class.

wow, i just remembered my birthday is this week.
24.
and my body is wanting to breed. or it's just gas.
but the good news: i finally get to see placebo.
the brmc tour is in 50 days.
and i have 5 papers to write.
one i will finish today so i can start my religion paper.
no rel & lit next week! woo!

so i'll skip poetry next tuesday to save money.

what am i getting at?
i'm upset & trying not to feel such.
writing to waste time...

Mar. 19th, 2007

crawling back into 1999.

so i had this strange emission to buy kikwear jeans.
now i'm listening to placebo.
then i caught the microwave on fire.
and i'm tired for no reason.

it feels like 1999.

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