deaf school park

the 11th hour.

2007-09-07T23:18:32Z

i haven't seen anton in a year to the day. instead of journeying to berbati's pan where i am inevitably on the guestlist, i'm going to olympia. i figure i won't return until musicfest is over. no bjm, no odditorium, no matt & kate hollywood nonsense. pull the plug on her, she's through.

fall is in the air.

2007-09-01T18:04:53Z

dw & i went out with caroline & her husband last night to hobos.
good conversation, but i was tired.
tonight is my first lovelab connection at beula. jesus.
i miss mr. big again.
fall fall fall fall into the jonestown next week.

8 hours till departure.

2007-08-13T21:18:36Z

heading back east always begins with its complications. getting there is one thing, but the loss of 3 hours is a plain i can't bear. all in all, i'm looking forward to getting out of the portland bubble.

4 cities in 10 days. funny how i'm not really looking forward to being in new york, more so getting back to columbus to be with people in places that i miss all too much. why is it that things look better in retrospect? perhaps when we rise above, we aren't so afraid of showing our faces in dammed places.

as for my hometown, ah, my hometown; i know that it hasn't changed. just months ago i was sitting at QS&L, drinking with brendan at cedars, and crying for the elusive nature that nothing, in fact, could ever change.

until tomorrow, when i have my university interviews & hope to impress them with my portfolio, i will be of NE alberta street. <3 binks.

a few pills too shy...

2007-08-09T08:23:09Z

after the breakdown, i thought too much about my past.
it kept me awake. all night i listened to the albums of my youth while i cried about the loss of something bigger. the bends.

i will never see another film with parker posey for as long as i live.
i thought i was going to make it to seattle today, to mecca, to a grilled cheese. instead, i cried and slept.
now i can't do such things.

shaking the morning.

2007-08-07T19:01:11Z

i attempted to wake up before it was too late to reach anyone on the east coast.
luckily, i made all my phone calls.

now with failure's "fantastic planet" with thoughts of johnny marr moving to portland,
and jeremy circa 2002. it's the weather. it could rain at any minute.

there's nothing left to say, just embrace the feeling.

some people count, some people don't.

2007-08-05T20:37:58Z

i posted a bulletin on myspace to let my east coast friends, most of whom i've known my
whole life, know which days i'll be in which towns. (ehem) for as miserable as columbus was, my
acquaintances from my in-and-out guest appearances at bars give so much more of a damn than the
people i grew up with.

these little town blues.

2007-08-04T09:50:02Z

after spending yet another day on trendy 3rd vintage shopping, eating japanese, and taking in the new buscemi film at the rickety cinema 21, i made round abouts to tony's tavern where i shared a pitcher with the 50-somethings of northwest portland. just another day, with no great resolution aside from the fact that i am happy to be here.

at tony's the ladies danced around to frank sinatra, and i thought how i will be on a plane to new york a week from tuesday. i never thought of such, but it will be nice to step out of the portland bubble for awhile. take in some non-tree-hugging culture, and delve into a world of true capitalism. don't get me wrong, i love portland, but it seems slow to me--lumpy, like everyone moves much to slow to get anything accomplished. give me life, controversy, excitement--a place where there's competition again, hatred, GOOD italian food! god knows how i miss the bitter and hate-filled east coast...

but just for awhile.

sex, scandals, & pete doherty.

2007-08-02T22:17:56Z

call me obsessive, but i'm recently i've become fascinated with the daily blog about brit brats pete doherty & kate moss. since the loss of my interesting life & coming around to getting old, i've become a kp nuts tabloid whore. in latest news, "pete doherty wants kate moss back, but is engaged to a french woman" & "kate moss leeks home sex tape."

why you broke away from the polyphonic spree.

2007-08-02T09:29:03Z

after hours of milling around kennedy school, alberta, and concordia, dw & i ended up at the doug fir. we made it for the last song of the show, so we didn't have to pay a cover--i don't remember her name, but the singer/songwriter was a girl from the polyphonic spree. i still don't know how all that band's members get paid. i think they thank zach braff for that one.

on another note, i've been thinking about the clod in the wonder bathroom. no surprise that i'm still a little hurt by such things. the "unlovable"...

for once in my life i would like to meet a nice aquarius.

writing conundrum.

2007-08-01T20:59:39Z

i am 56 single-spaced pages into my thesis, most of which i wrote at the beginning of the summer. because it's a memoir, i'm now going through a creative drought when it comes to short fiction. the good stuff. the stuff i really need for my portfolio.

guess i've been spending too much time at holmans on 28th.

i blame it on my lack of inspiration and the fact that without fail, every morning since i've been sleeping in, tobin has been waking me up at exactly 1:02pm.

"i would never want to belong to a club that would have someone like me as a member." -groucho marx

dirtyblue @ 2007-07-31T21:44:00

2007-08-01T04:45:06Z

You Belong in New York City

You're the energetic, ambitious type.
And only NYC is fast enough for you.
Maybe you'll set yourself up with a killer career
Or simply take in all the city has to offer.

What City Do You Belong In?

for those who hurt in the mourning.

2007-07-31T09:12:47Z

i made a compilation for the wee small hours of the morning.
for those who wake in early light of day, so early it could be mistaken for night.
for those who feel they need the comfort of coffee to warm them.
for those who are feel too lonely when they wake up alone.
for those days where the morning seems to last forever.
i made this for you. you know who you are.
i will send it to you if you give me an address...

maybe the sun will shine today.

2007-07-30T21:12:34Z

another day filled inside the oregon sun, and i realize that again i am alone. it's a wilco day. in the warmth of a familiar pain i reside in my empty apartment waiting for my next life to resurrect me from something so deep, sifting into the monotonous hours of passing years. not that all of this hasn't been a virtue, but still i want something real. someone to love. something i can hold on to that's more than what i know now.

either way. wilco.

2007-07-30T06:09:05Z

Maybe the sun will shine today
The clouds will blow away
Maybe I won't feel so afraid
I will try to understand
Either way

Maybe you still love me
Maybe you don't
Either you will or you won't
Maybe you just need some time alone
I will try to understand
Everything has its plan
Either way
I am gonna stay
Right for you

Maybe the sun will shine today
The clouds will roll away
Maybe I won't be so afraid
I will understand everything has its plan
Either way

things i'll never except.

2007-07-29T23:09:19Z

1. divorcees who start new families.
2. it's no longer 1997-2003.
3. daniel johns is in fact an asshole.
4. kurt cobain would've been 40 this year.
5. seattle is ashamed of it's grunge heritage.
6. i am old enough to get married and have a family.
7. the revolving door theory is true.
8. washington dc is not in washington state.
9. i date unavailable men because i have a fear of commitment.
10. nyabinghi is closed.
11. there's a difference between authentic japanese and american japanese food.
12. the digital world.

the wonder bathroom vs. the odditorium

2007-07-29T02:15:30Z

tonight is the practice show for the dandy warhols kickoff for
their 2nd tour with the rolling stones.
i was going to attend the show, however because of my latest affliction
with one, john claude esh, i won't get into the wonder ballroom.
DW & i just decided to skip the show & go to the afterparty.

new york, new york... you're killing me.

2007-07-27T22:19:13Z

i never thought it would be so difficult to find a hotel on the upper west side of new york.

columbia university set up an interview with me on august 14th @ 11:30am,
just a few hours shy of 6:45am when i arrive to philly from portland on a red eye.

this means i'll have to take the train, which will take about 2 hours, then
i will have to tote my luggage around back down to greenwich village to my interview @ the new school.

and i have no clue how to get around new york. no clue.
god, send me an angel, please!

dirtyblue @ 2007-07-17T16:42:00

2007-07-17T23:43:29Z

harmony korine is married.

dirtyblue @ 2007-07-04T04:19:00

2007-07-04T11:20:30Z

Silverchair @ The Aladdin Theatre, Portland, USA
SOLD OUT!!!

tickets available on ticketmaster $60 a piece.

I GOT MINE, BITCHES!

waiting for pants.

2007-07-03T10:42:10Z

i am up at 3:30am to bid on a pair of ksubi jeans from the au ebay site.
what am i doing?
since i perged my records, uneeded instruments, & bright forever 21 pieces.
i've been binge shopping on designer clothing, reading harper's, & blogging about fashion.
my latest purchase-- an american apparel v-neck gray tee mens xs & brown minnetonka boots.
i have a consultation at nordstrom this week for the ella moss fall collection...
what have i become?

tomorrow i'm going to head over to 'trendy 3rd' to explore american apparel for purple skinny jeans.
woo.

but lately life has been good.
summer school isn't so bad & if i spend too much i plan to make it back with my job
at the writing center next fall.
i'm also very focused on grad school-- i can't wait to visit new york in august.

for my MFA i've finally chosen my candidtes:
columbia
the new school
sarah lawrence
birkbeck, university of london
royal holloway, university of london
university of iowa

and my fall-backs:
wilkes-barre
brooklyn community college, city university of new york

tomorrow i shop, drink expensive coffee with monica lewinski, & feel semi-important.

ps. remember when i sold my ps2 for a pair of gap capris?

dune and gone.

2007-06-30T17:57:59Z

the venue was a crackerbox, lacking in beans & bad haircuts--exactly what i was looking for!
i have found an offical new hangout that's in my 'hood, that's not 28th.

LATEST OBSESSION: sunglasses

the dunes.

2007-06-29T18:26:57Z

i've decided to take my new minnetonka boots out on the town tonight---
to somewhere new! there's a bunch of krs bands playing at this dots-esque
venue over on ne mlk tonight for 5 bucks. do i smell a new hangout perhaps?
i need a new hangout-- portland is getting so passe.

ps. i might just skip new york & move to glasgow.

absenteeism & the DW, PT I.

2007-06-28T19:02:14Z

it's been a long 2 weeks. the first half was spent under emotional distress
over finances, post a holiday in eugene with azad that ended up being a ploy
for sexual relations... therefore i took last thursday out the hawthorne district
to feel like a b-list celebrity-- shopping, dining at cha cha cha and pix patisserie,
then retired to the bagdad for some freshly brewed ruby in the late afteroon.
a good day.
then i got sick.
i missed a week of school and sense of smell in both sides of my nostrils.
but i'm better, drinking a homemade maple latte (nonfat).
later i will meet DW, whom i have been working extensively on art & writing with
and we will make our way to alberta (providing it doesn't rain) for last thursday.

latest obsession: pete doherty
latest fashion: minnetonka moccasin boots, swing jackets, & daisy dukes.

ch-ch-ch-changes.

2007-06-10T01:34:41Z

where i am is so different from where i used to be.

I owe it to my 14-year-old self...

2007-06-06T21:03:10Z

Silverchair has announced their first full North American tour since 1999. The dates will be in support of the band’s new album Young Modern which will street on July 24 in the US and Canada on Eleven: a music company through Warner Music Group’s Independent Label Group.

Since exploding to prominence in the mid-90’s Silverchair has morphed into a much more melodic and idiosyncratic band than they were as teenagers. They are currently riding the crest of a wave in Australia with Young Modern becoming the fastest selling and most critically acclaimed album of their career to date. It was certified double platinum in their homeland after just one month.

Dates for the North American leg of the Young Modern world tour will be as follows

Thursday, 19th July - Portland, OR - Aladdin Theatre Tickets on sale June 8th!!!
I'm sooooo there.